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University Announces New $100 Billion Profligacy Studies Program

Kevin Barrett

Cincinnati, FL – Dissociated Press Ohio University of Miami announced yesterday that it has been awarded a 100 billion dollar grant from the US Department of Education to found a new program in Profligacy Studies. The grant will allow the university to hire at least 500 new, grossly overpaid Professors of Profligacy. The program expects to attract tens of thousands of students who will spend millions of dollars each in hopes of earning extravagantly worthless faux-sheepskin documents attesting to their mastery of the art and science of Profligacy. “I wish I could say that this program will be worth every…

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Hamas Killed Six Million Jews in Gas Chambers on October 7th, BBC Hears

Kevin Barrett

BBC by way of Dissociated Press The BBC has seen and heard evidence of the murder of six million Jews in gas chambers during the 7 October Hamas attacks. WARNING: CONTAINS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF GAS CHAMBERS AND RELATED ATROCITIES Several people involved in collecting and identifying the bodies of the six million Jews killed in the attack told us they had seen multiple signs of death by Zyklon B, including blue or pink skin, Auschwitz tattoos, and scribbled notes saying “is this a shower room?” Video testimony of an eyewitness at the Nova music festival, shown to journalists by Israeli…

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ADL Says “God’s Mercy” Is an Anti-Semitic Trope

Kevin Barrett

Demands That It Be Banned From Social Media Dissociated Press The Anti-Defecation League (ADL) has issued a press release demanding the banning of the expression “God’s mercy” from social media. According to the ADL, the notion that God is merciful, and the associated idea that mercy is good, is “a direct attack on Jews and their beliefs.” The press release explains that while a few Jews still think God is a merciless psychopathic patriarch named Yahweh, the majority don’t believe in God at all, and in mercy even less. They do, however, believe that the God they don’t believe in…

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Kissinger Arrives in Hell, Appointed National Security Advisor

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press In the illustrious culmination of his 100-year career, Henry Kissinger arrived in Hell today and was immediately appointed Satan’s National Security Advisor. Kissinger will spend the rest of eternity devising futile diplomatic ruses and stratagems aimed at enhancing Hell’s nonexistent chances of defeating Heaven. At a press conference announcing the appointment, Satan said that even though he knows he doesn’t have a chance in Hell of succeeding in his long-standing Global War on God (GWOG), he nonetheless hopes that Kissinger, by injecting notes of gravitas and realpolitic into the Kingdom of Hellfire’s infernally hopeless strategic and diplomatic efforts,…

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Elon Musk Says “No Choice” But to Kill Six Million Israeli Jews

Kevin Barrett

Elon Musk, reeling from an anti-Semitism scandal, has upped the ante. In a sit-down interview posted online by the Israeli Government Press Office, Musk clearly stated that the world has no choice but to kill six million Israeli Jews. Here is the quote, word-for-word: “There’s no choice but to kill those who insist on murdering civilians.” 90% of the Israeli Jewish population—slightly over six million Jews—insist on murdering civilians. Israel has murdered about 20,000 civilians in Gaza in six weeks—over 15,000 whose bodies have been counted and identified, and more than 5000 who are still rotting beneath the rubble of…

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Mandatory Palestinian Holocaust Denial Bills Draw Bipartisan Support

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Bills introduced yesterday in the Florida State Legislature and US Congress would outlaw references to the Palestinian Holocaust—and make Palestinian Holocaust denial mandatory. Under the federal bill, supported by President Biden, violators would be fined up to one million dollars and imprisoned for up to 30 years. The Florida bill, written by allies of Governor Ron DeSantis, imposes the death penalty on Palestinian Holocaust affirmers. The DeSantis bill also includes an enhancement provision specifically targeting violators of Palestinian ethnicity. Under the bill, if an individual of Palestinian ethnicity refuses to deny the Palestinian Holocaust, that person’s entire extended…

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Israel’s United Nations Ambassador Threatens to Gas Himself If UN Doesn’t Condemn Hamas

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Last Monday Gilad Erlan, Israel’s UN ambassador,  brandished a yellow star—and said he wouldn’t take it off until the UN condemned Hamas. Erlan’s UN colleagues, as well as some Israeli officials, rolled their eyes. Erlan, angered by the frosty reception, got an Auschwitz-style number tattoo at his local tattoo parlor and spent Tuesday flashing it at his colleagues.  Most were unimpressed. But the ambassadors from Tuvalu, the Maldives, and Liechtenstein all said it looked very nice. Now Erlan is upping the ante. Still wearing the yellow star and sporting the tattoo, the Israeli ambassador told the General Assembly…

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Anthony Blinken Offers SHOCKING Admission in “Holocaust Survivor” Speech

Kevin Barrett

US Secretary of State Anthony Blinken touched down this morning in Doha, Qatar, to negotiate the release of Americans held by Hamas. Shortly before Blinken’s speech, it seems that the Emir of Qatar, Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani, dosed the US Secretary of State’s coffee with scopolamine, colloquially known as “truth serum.” Below is a text of Blinken’s speech. Speech by Anthony Blinken in Doha, Qatar October 20, 2023 Good morning. My name is Anthony Blinken. Today is my 996th day as U.S. Secretary of State. And this is the 839th time I’ve flown to a foreign country and…

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Ex-Intel Officials: Teenage Hookers, Laptop, Ukrainian Payoff and Cocaine Found at White House Doesn’t Belong to Hunter Biden

Kevin Barrett

It’s Probably Just Russian Disinfo, Say the Experts Dissociated Press More than 50 former intelligence officials have signed a letter casting doubt on reports that the two teenage hookers, incriminating laptop, pile of Ukrainian-sourced cash, and spilled cocaine found yesterday at the White House has anything to do with Hunter Biden. Instead, they say, the story “has all the classic earmarks of a Russian information operation.” While the letter’s signatories presented no evidence, they said their national security experience had made them “deeply suspicious that the Russian government played a significant role in this case” and cited several elements of…

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