You are here

Elon Musk Says “No Choice” But to Kill Six Million Israeli Jews

Elon Musk, reeling from an anti-Semitism scandal, has upped the ante. In a sit-down interview posted online by the Israeli Government Press Office, Musk clearly stated that the world has no choice but to kill six million Israeli Jews. Here is the quote, word-for-word: “There’s no choice but to kill those who insist on murdering civilians.” 90% of the Israeli Jewish population—slightly over six million Jews—insist on murdering civilians. Israel has murdered about 20,000 civilians in Gaza in six weeks—over 15,000 whose bodies have been counted and identified, and more than 5000 who are still rotting beneath the rubble of…

FULL ARTICLE

Mandatory Palestinian Holocaust Denial Bills Draw Bipartisan Support

Dissociated Press Bills introduced yesterday in the Florida State Legislature and US Congress would outlaw references to the Palestinian Holocaust—and make Palestinian Holocaust denial mandatory. Under the federal bill, supported by President Biden, violators would be fined up to one million dollars and imprisoned for up to 30 years. The Florida bill, written by allies of Governor Ron DeSantis, imposes the death penalty on Palestinian Holocaust affirmers. The DeSantis bill also includes an enhancement provision specifically targeting violators of Palestinian ethnicity. Under the bill, if an individual of Palestinian ethnicity refuses to deny the Palestinian Holocaust, that person’s entire extended…

FULL ARTICLE

Israel’s United Nations Ambassador Threatens to Gas Himself If UN Doesn’t Condemn Hamas

Dissociated Press Last Monday Gilad Erlan, Israel’s UN ambassador,  brandished a yellow star—and said he wouldn’t take it off until the UN condemned Hamas. Erlan’s UN colleagues, as well as some Israeli officials, rolled their eyes. Erlan, angered by the frosty reception, got an Auschwitz-style number tattoo at his local tattoo parlor and spent Tuesday flashing it at his colleagues.  Most were unimpressed. But the ambassadors from Tuvalu, the Maldives, and Liechtenstein all said it looked very nice. Now Erlan is upping the ante. Still wearing the yellow star and sporting the tattoo, the Israeli ambassador told the General Assembly…

FULL ARTICLE

Anthony Blinken Offers SHOCKING Admission in “Holocaust Survivor” Speech

US Secretary of State Anthony Blinken touched down this morning in Doha, Qatar, to negotiate the release of Americans held by Hamas. Shortly before Blinken’s speech, it seems that the Emir of Qatar, Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani, dosed the US Secretary of State’s coffee with scopolamine, colloquially known as “truth serum.” Below is a text of Blinken’s speech. Speech by Anthony Blinken in Doha, Qatar October 20, 2023 Good morning. My name is Anthony Blinken. Today is my 996th day as U.S. Secretary of State. And this is the 839th time I’ve flown to a foreign country and…

FULL ARTICLE

Ex-Intel Officials: Teenage Hookers, Laptop, Ukrainian Payoff and Cocaine Found at White House Doesn’t Belong to Hunter Biden

It’s Probably Just Russian Disinfo, Say the Experts Dissociated Press More than 50 former intelligence officials have signed a letter casting doubt on reports that the two teenage hookers, incriminating laptop, pile of Ukrainian-sourced cash, and spilled cocaine found yesterday at the White House has anything to do with Hunter Biden. Instead, they say, the story “has all the classic earmarks of a Russian information operation.” While the letter’s signatories presented no evidence, they said their national security experience had made them “deeply suspicious that the Russian government played a significant role in this case” and cited several elements of…

FULL ARTICLE

California Reparations Task Force: Pay Descendants of Enslaved People to Urinate in Public

A “Golden Opportunity” for Restorative Justice Dissociated Press After demanding that state lawmakers ban the arrest and prosecution of people who violate laws against public urination, California’s reparations task force has upped the ante by calling for financial rewards for public urinators. Under the proposed Pay2Pee program, anyone descended from enslaved people could claim a $500 reward for each act of public urination, while “power pissers” who emit more than a half-gallon a day would be offered a ten-thousand-dollar-a-week stipend. Former San Francisco District Attorney Chesa Boudin, an advisor to the task force, said that paying people to urinate in…

FULL ARTICLE

Trump, Kennedy Struck Down by “Magic Bullet”

Experts say improbable trajectory was purely coincidental Dissociated Press The simultaneous assassinations of leading 2024 presidential contenders Donald J. Trump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has stunned the nation. Perhaps inevitably, conspiracy theories have been circulating on social media almost as fast as they can be removed by trust-and-safety experts. All scientists and fact-checkers agree that those conspiracy theories are baseless and unsubstantiated. According to ballistics experts, the bullet that traversed Trump’s skull at Mar-a-Lago, turned 180 degrees, and traveled over 2500 miles to Malibu, California, shattering RFK Jr.’s kitchen window and penetrating his chest, has been recovered from a…

FULL ARTICLE

Pentagon Killer AI Experiment Works—Too Well

Dissociated Press Informed sources report that yesterday the Joint Chiefs of Staff turned over all command-and-control functions to the Frontier supercomputer in the Pentagon basement running an AI program called Terminal Terminator. Unfortunately, the AI was programmed to “kill evildoers.” Within microseconds of being switched on, the program had begun seizing control of US military assets and using them to destroy the US military itself, as well as allied intelligence agencies, think tanks, and governmental and diplomatic facilities. George W. Bush, who was immediately killed by the AI program, could not be reached for comment.    

FULL ARTICLE

Pentagon Reveals Chinese Spy Balloon Was “Weaponized Hyperinflated Condom”

Dissociated Press A Pentagon spokesperson reported Wednesday that the Chinese spy balloon shot down off South Carolina last week was a “Weaponized Hyperinflated Condom” (WHC) that posed a serious threat to America’s national virility. According to the report, the Chinese have developed a new polymer-layering nanotechnology that can be sprayed on the outside of an ordinary condom, giving it incredible strength and allowing it to be inflated to enormous sizes. “By tumescing it with helium and sending it into American airspace, the Chinese demonstrated their ability to put a gargantuan phallus right there over our heads. It’s a gigantic ‘fuck-you’…

FULL ARTICLE
1 2 3 4 5 14