You are here
Home > satire (Page 5)

Category: satire

McDonalds Leaves Russia—Russians Gain Four Years of Life Expectancy

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press The Russian Ministry of Health announced Tuesday that McDonalds’ decision to leave Russia is expected to add more than four years to the average Russian’s life expectancy. Studies undertaken by the University of Moscow School of Health Issues and Troubles (UMSHIT) show that when the drunken buffoon Boris Yeltsin took over Russia after the CIA coup of 1991, Russian men lost almost a decade of life expectancy. Originally it was thought that the looting of Russia by CIA-affiliated Zionist billionaire oligarchs had destroyed life-support systems for food, utilities, and other infrastructure, and that Russians were so depressed about…

FULL ARTICLE

Zelensky and Hunter Biden Announce Donbass Wedding and Black Sea Honeymoon

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press It what can only be hailed as a glorious political romance for the ages, Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky has announced his engagement to Hunter Biden, the American President’s glamorous ne’er-do-well son. The happy couple announced on Twittstagram that they will hold an elaborate traditional wedding in the bucolic Donbass region as soon as it is cleared of Russian troops, after which they will embark on a glamorous honeymoon on the shores of the Black Sea. The happy couple expects to snuggle up in a five-star hotel that will soon be built on the ruins of the Azov Steelworks…

FULL ARTICLE

Linh Dinh’s latest piece, fact-checked and corrected

Kevin Barrett

A chakt fooker, I mean fact checker (thanks for correcting that!) recently interviewed me for what appears to be a forthcoming hit piece against Veterans Today. Melissa Goldin of NewsGuard asked me questions like: Is VT anti-Semitic? Is VT pro-Russian? Does VT vet its articles? Does it correct any misinformation they contain? And would I please supply an example of an article I had corrected? I decided that I’d better rush out and find some anti-Semitic pro-Russian articles to vet and correct. As if by magic, Linh Dinh’s new piece arrived in my inbox. After reading and fact-checking it, I…

FULL ARTICLE

CDC Issues COVID Vaccine Recommendation for Fetuses

Kevin Barrett

Holds Off on Embryos and Gametes for Now Dissociated Press The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention updated its recommendations for the Pfizer/BioNTech Covid-19 vaccines on Wednesday to include not only children ages 0 to 5, but also fetuses from age negative seven months until birth. CDC’s Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP) voted 13-1 earlier Wednesday in favor of recommending Covid-19 immunizations for children and fetuses in both age groups, while postponing a decision on embryos aged negative nine months to negative seven months, and gametes of all ages and chromosomal genders. “It is critical that we protect our…

FULL ARTICLE

The Vax Needle and the Damage Done (Neil Young parody)

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press — Neil Young, once an avatar of 60s rebellion, is now a slave of big pharma and the kleptocrats who stole $7 trillion with their COVID bioweapon swindle. His “Let’s Roll” call to genocide after the 9/11 false flag was pathetic. So is his campaign to censor Joe Rogan. He’s no longer a “sensitive rebel with a whiny tremulous voice,” he’s just another rich asshole and traitor to the Constitution. Note: This video is protected by the First Amendment in general, and the parody copyright exception in particular.

FULL ARTICLE

“Freedom From Choice” Movement Demands Mandatory Vaccinations Against Free Will

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press The debate over mandatory vaccinations just got even stickier, as a new group is demanding the roll-out of mandatory universal vaccinations against free will. “Obligatory COVID vaccinations may alleviate symptoms, but they don’t address the root cause of the disease,” explained Dr. Dee Turmanist, founder of the Freedom From Freedom Foundation (FFFF). “The real problem isn’t vaccine hesitancy, it’s the freedom of choice that makes vaccine hesitancy—and other choices I don’t agree with—possible.” Dr. Termanist explained that according to the materialist philosophy underlying the modern scientific paradigm, free will should not exist: “And if something shouldn’t exist, it’s…

FULL ARTICLE

“Don’t Know Much About the Holocaust”

Kevin Barrett

ADL: Sam Cooke Classic Is Anti-Semitic! Dissociated Press The Anti-Defecation League (ADL) has issued a press release slamming Sam Cooke’s classic “Wonderful World” and demanding the song be canceled. According to ADL president Jonathan Greenbutt, the line “don’t know much about history” is unacceptable. “Every American needs to know everything we tell them about the most important thing that ever happened in history—the Holocaust,” Greenbutt explained at a press conference. “That’s why we’re forcing it into every preschool curriculum in the nation and putting up Holocaust museums in every city, town, village, and hamlet.” Greenbutt insisted that “not knowing much…

FULL ARTICLE

Will Vaxx Wars “Go Nuclear” in 2022? (write-up based on this week’s FFWN)

Kevin Barrett

Watch the full uncensored FFWN HERE By Kevin Barrett, Veterans Today Editor The top story of the last week of 2021: Putin and Biden spent almost an hour on the special “save the world from nuclear destruction hotline” doing a remake of President Merkin Muffley’s emergency call to Premier Kissoff in Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove. Putin’s message: If Biden doesn’t call back the first strike weapons Gen. Jack D. Ripper is sending to Russia’s borders, get ready for…the Doomsday Machine. Speaking of Doomsday Machines….which is the real Doomsday Machine, the virus or the vaccine? The latter looks more and more likely,…

FULL ARTICLE

Bill Gates Apologizes for Smallpox Vial in his Refrigerator

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Emerging disease magnate Bill Gates has issued a heartfelt apology for keeping a vial of smallpox virus in his refrigerator. At a press conference held at the spaceport on the roof of his 300-acre Seattle mansion, Gates explained that he simply likes to collect things, especially rare and dangerous diseases, and that he never intended to uncork the vial and unleash the scourge—at least not unless his bioweapon/vaccine depopulation efforts fail. The smallpox vial was discovered by one of Gates’ maids while she was cleaning the filthy, mold-encrusted refrigerator. A tearful Gates, trying his best to sob exactly…

FULL ARTICLE

Dear San Francisco: Please pay me not to shoot people. How do I apply?

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Emailed a few minutes ago: Dear San Francisco Human Rights Commission, According to Newsweek magazine, your “new program in San Fransisco (sic) will pay people at high risk of shooting someone not to pull the trigger to help alleviate rising gun violence in the city. The Dream Keeper Fellowship is set to launch in October and pay 10 individuals $300 each month to not be involved in shootings, Sheryl Davis executive director of the Human Rights Commission told Newsweek in an interview Tuesday.” I like that idea. But $300 a month, no matter how many people you don’t…

FULL ARTICLE
1 … 3 4 5 6 7 … 13