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In Surprise Move, Ukraine Orders Gender Reassignment Surgery for All Elite Special Forces Units

Dissociated Press

In a last-ditch attempt to turn the tide of the war, Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky has ordered all 50,000 of his nation’s elite special forces soldiers to immediately prepare for gender reassignment surgery. After transitioning, the Ukrainian Special Forces will be dressed in women’s uniforms, including depleted uranium coated stiletto-sharp spike heels specially designed to pierce the armor of Russia’s T-14 Armada tank when thrown with a vigorous underhand motion.

Thus armed, or rather shod, all four divisions of Zelensky’s new Killer Tranny Army (KTA) will be sent to the southeastern front to march on Crimea. Military experts say the Ukrainian Killer Trannies will present such a fearsomely shocking spectacle that Russian troops are expected to abandon their positions, flee like lemmings, and dive off a cliff into the Black Sea.

Ukraine’s Special Forces, after transitioning, will be adopting a new emblem: The rainbow swastika flag.

According to Stratfor analysts, the forthcoming KTA invasion of Crimea is almost as likely to succeed as last year’s surprise offensive was. “We project that if the West increases its funding for Ukraine by only three or four orders of magnitude—a reasonable expectation given Western politicians’ love of all things transexual—the Ukrainian Killer Trannies will have enough DU-coated stiletto heels to disable the entire Russian tank force. And when Putin hears about the Killer Tranny march on Crimea, he’ll probably drop dead from the shock.”

In a move designed to secure increased US funding, the American transexual Ukrainian Army Spokesperson Sarah Ashton-Cirillo has  been promoted to four-star general and appointed to command the KTA.

Noted strategic analysts  Vovan and Lexus, tied up for hours on the phone with Ashton-Cirillo, could not be reached for comment.

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