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What Five Places Should You Not Visit When Visiting Europe?


1) If you ever visit the catacombs of Paris, do NOT enter La caverne des rats mutants. They will strip the flesh off your bones, which will then be stacked alongside the others. (Where do you think all those bones came from?)

2) Another deadly French tourist trap is Les sables mouvants d’Olonne (the quicksands of Olonne). It looks like a normal beach, but as you spread out your beach towel, you notice you’ve sunk in up to your knees, then your hips, and then…well, it’s better not to think about it.

3) In London, there is a secret room in The British Museum devoted to artifacts recovered or acquired in the course of the British government’s interactions with ETs. Don’t accidentally wander into that room! Some of the recovered objects emit deadly radiation. Additionally, you will have to be brain-wiped before you leave, which can sometimes induce seizures.

4) Do not, I repeat NOT, visit the Sizzling Sauna of Oulu, Finland. Billed as “the world’s hottest sauna,” its temperatures can approach those of the sun’s inner core. If you try it, you won’t just break out in a massive sweat, you will INSTANTLY lose all of your bodily fluids to flash-vaporization. It isn’t a very pleasant experience, let me tell you! When it happened to me, the little heap of bone powder and ashes that was left of me asked for its money back, and was rudely refused. What a rip-off.

5) Finally, none of the above-described horrors can compare with the European Parliament in Brussels. It is literally CRAWLING with terrifyingly inhuman zombies controlled by Europe’s bankster elites. They will pounce on you and strip you of your freedom, your sovereignty, your identity, and, of course, your money. DO NOT GO NEAR THAT BUILDING!

I hope the above suggestions will make your next trip to Europe a safe and pleasant experience. Bon voyage!

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