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Tag: satire

Obama’s secret letter to Iran revealed!

Kevin Barrett

US President Barack Obama has been sending secret letters to Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Hosseini Khamenei. But the full text of these letters has never before been revealed. But now, in his latest stunning revelation, Edward Snowden has hacked into White House computers and acquired a copy of Obama’s most recent letter to Tehran. In exchange for a fistful of US toilet paper dollars, which nobody in Moscow seems to realize are not worth the paper they’re printed on, Snowden agreed to provide TruthJihad.com with exclusive access to the letter. In the interest of world peace, intercultural understanding, cute…

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Obama: “I’m a SOUL Jew!”

Kevin Barrett

According to the Jewish Journal, President Obama says: “I am Jewish in my soul.” They neglected to report the rest of the President’s statement: “…But not in my body – and if you think you’re going to whack off the end of my peepee with one of those rabbinical meat-cleavers, you’ve got another think coming!” But seriously, folks…Imagine what Fox would be if doing Obama had said “I am Muslim in my soul.” Yet a covertly Jew-souled President is OK. How very odd. Naturally, the Presidential coming-out-of-the-closet as a “soul Jew” did not satisfy the neocons, who have been sneaking…

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Oy vey! Top ten reasons why Israel shouldn’t be training American cops

Kevin Barrett

Martin Hill just sent me an email entitled: “Oy Vey, Officer! Happy Hanukkah from LAPD: Menorah lighting ceremony at LAPD Headquarters.” It seems that all that Israeli “training” (using American taxpayer money) is turning American police officers into Zionists. Is this really a good idea? Do we really need Israeli-militarized American cops driving star-of-David-decorated tanks down our streets, setting up ethnic-ID checkpoints and dropping white phosphorus and cluster bombs on our neighborhoods?Here are the top ten reasons why Israel shouldn’t be brainwashing (I mean, “training”) American cops. 10. Our cops will switch to coffee and bagels, so all the donut…

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Business opportunity: Jihadi chocolate shops!

Kevin Barrett

Since I founded Torture Renditions Ltd. on Saturday, people have been lining up outside my door asking for more business ideas. So how about…jihadi chocolate shops? This concept is tailor-made for maximum publicity. All you have to do is hang a black jihadi flag over a chocolate shop, take a couple of hostages, and SHAZZAM! The whole world knows about you. Looks like Lindt was absorbed in a “hostile takeover” The black flags with white writing are perfect for dark-chocolate-based confectionary delicacies. Every time I see one of those flags I think of ultra-dark 90%-cocoa chocolate. Edible flags, anyone? I’ll…

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Who will rendition the renditioners?

Kevin Barrett

Eric Holder reading my letter Sent to:  http://www.justice.gov/contact-us Attorney General Eric HolderUnited States Department of JusticeWashington, DC Dear Attorney General Holder, As I understand it, your office has determined that so-called extraordinary rendition is perfectly legal. In your view, it is legal, Constitutional, and 100% kosher to kidnap people and transport them to countries where they will be harshly interrogated, tortured, and/or extrajudicially executed. As an American who proudly partakes of our nation’s can-do entrepreneurial spirit, I sense a business opportunity here. But I thought I had better check in with you first to make sure that you have no…

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Israel changes name to Judaic State (JS)

Kevin Barrett

Former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced that the Zionist entity formerly known as Israel will henceforth be known as Judaic State (JS), and that he has appointed itself as its Caliph. Netanyahu added that he will also assume the titles “Commander of the Zionist Faithful,” “Grand Poobah of all Jews, Freemasons, and Luciferians,” and “Child-Killer-in-Chief.” Netanyahu asserted that Judaic State will continue to use systematic terrorism to carve territory out of the region’s legitimate nations, including Palestine, Syria, Jordan, and Lebanon, in service to its ever-expanding Jewish Caliphate. He added that he also hopes to eventually overrun Iraq and…

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Dear “Jewish Defense League”: Why aren’t I on your death list?

Kevin Barrett

It has come to my attention that you have been issuing death threats against my friends and colleagues, including Press TV’s Canada correspondent Joshua Blakeney and freelance journalist Tom Mysiewicz. I am writing in protest of these threats. Frankly, I am appalled. And what really galls me is: Why did you leave me off the list?! Full story: http://www.veteranstoday.com/2014/06/25/dearjdl/ Also see my Press TV op-ed: Zionist terrorists target journalists with death threats http://presstv.com/detail/2014/06/25/368569/zionist-terrorists-target-journalists-with-death-threats/

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USA seeks to join Russian Federation

Kevin Barrett

A “Putin for President” search gets 115 million results by Kevin Barrett, TruthJihad.com Fed up with their nation’s corrupt, mendacious, ineffectual leadership, a group of Americans is seeking to join the Russian Federation. “We are collecting signatures for a national referendum on whether to remain a failed state – an economic basket case run by criminal oligarchs – or to join the Russian Federation under a President with a proven track record of bringing oligarchs to heel,” said Bill Blatsky, head of the Join Russia – Putin for President committee. Referendum proponents point out that the US has deep historic…

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Top 10 reasons why US should keep intervening in Ukraine

Kevin Barrett

“Those Ukraine girls really knock me out” :  Four good reasons to intervene Warning: The article below is satirical, flippant, and in questionable taste. If you want a serious “Top Ten” article about the Ukraine, read: Debunked: the State Department’s List of 10 Lies Against Putin OK, now that the obligatory disclaimer is out of the way… Top 10 reasons why US should keep intervening in Ukraine There are many reasons why the US should keep intervening in Ukraine. Here are the top ten. 10. We lost Crimea, so why not lose the whole country? 9. For only $5 billion…

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