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Krispy Kreme Now Offering 10 FREE DONUTS PER DAY to Anyone Vaccinated for COVID

Dissociated Press Thanks to a 10 billion dollar grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Depopulation Fund, Krispy Kreme Donuts is upping the ante and raising its vaccination bribe for people who show their vaccination card. Instead of just one donut per day, Krispy Kreme will now feed you ten donuts per day for the rest of 2021 if you can prove you’ve been vaccinated. “The vaccine hasn’t been killing people fast enough,” Gates explained, “and its anti-fertility effects, alongside those of the virus, haven’t been sufficient to promote the kind of depopulation that Melinda and I would like to…


Unemployment Problem Solved! USG Hiring Millions of Super-Spreaders and Contact-Tracers

Dissociated Press At a joint White House press conference this morning, Bill Gates and Donald Trump announced that the Gates Foundation has acquired the bankrupt United States Government (USG) for pennies on the dollar and launched a new emergency initiative to address the coronavirus crisis. Trump explained that the first act of the new United States of Bill and Melinda Gates will be signature legislation to “make America great again through better health and shared prosperity.” The president added that a bipartisan Trump-Gates coalition has introduced legislation ┬áto jump-start America’s stalled economy: HR666-666, the Back-to Work America! Helping Americans Help…


Bill Gates Expresses Remorse for Unleashing COVID-19

Dissociated Press At a press conference this morning outside his 350-billion-dollar mansion sprawling across three of Seattle’s poshest neighborhoods, philanthropist Bill Gates tearfully confessed: “Woe unto me! Would that I had not hired the CIA to take Event 201 live!” Spluttering, bawling, and blubbering, Gates toweled tears off his face and explained: “But it was…it was supposed to help with depopulation! They promised me it would! Instead, the whole world is locked down with their spouse or significant other, with nothing left to do but make babies! Horrible, awful little human babies! And there are no more condoms left, it’s…