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Crazy Bibi’s Masada 2.0 Furniture Sale Now Underway

Kevin Barrett

He’s BAAAA-AAACK! In the furniture business, that is. So step right up! It’s Crazy Bibi’s Masada 2.0 Discount Furniture Leaving-the-Country Sale! My prices are INSANE! 7 million Jews are leaving Palestine! If I don’t steal their left-behind furniture and sell it, somebody else gonna steal and sell it! I must be CRAZY to be selling this stuff so cheap! At these prices, it’s a steal! IF YOU DON’T STEAL IT, SOMEBODY ELSE GONNA STEAL IT! So come on down to Crazy Bibi’s Discount Furniture Warehouse Sale, 35 Azza Street, Jerusalem, Palestine Hurry! Hurry! The sale ends when Hezbollah’s next rocket…

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But Is It Good For the Jews? (FFWN Special Report With Uncle Moishe)

Kevin Barrett

Oct. 5 show Fundrazr link     Oct. 17 show Fundrazr link The bad news is that we failed to meet our $200 goal last week. The good news is that False Flag Weekly News, like every serious business, has a Jewish financial advisor. That would be Uncle Moishe. It’s great to have a Jewish uncle. Every goy should have one. When your business is in trouble, you just turn to Uncle Moishe for advice. (Jewish personal trainers are great too.) I told Uncle Moishe that False Flag Weekly News didn’t reach its $200 goal last week. I explained that we’ve…

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Congress Updates 2005 Real ID Act for Woke Era

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Congress voted this morning to amend the 2005 Real ID Act, which requires all Americans to to carry real identification cards by May 2025. Under the amended law, the Fake ID Act, those real identification cards will need to be replaced by fake ID cards by January 2026. Under the Fake ID Act, all identification cards must be replaced by “Identify As” cards featuring false names and genders. “Unfortunately, too many Americans are still ‘deadnaming’ on their identification cards,” explained Samantha “McLovin” Brinton, the former Nuclear Regulatory Agency chief who now heads the United States Identification Agency. “When…

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Dangerously Low Antisemitism Levels Threaten Life on Earth -Report

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Karolinska University’s Atmospheric Antisemitism Society of Stockholm (AASS) has issued an alarming report highlighting the gravity of the threat posed by declining levels of atmospheric antisemitism. According to the report, atmospheric antisemitism has declined from its post-Enlightenment average of 280 antisemites per million (APM) to a new low, as of June 2024, of only 220 antisemites per million. AASS chairperson Adolf Thunberg, who changed his name, gender, and issue after discovering that declining antisemitism levels were vastly more dangerous than rising CO2 levels, explained: “The crucial role of atmospheric antisemitism in regulating Earth’s social climate and ecosystems is…

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Dick Cheney Unveils New 1% Doctrine, Plots “Global War on Trump”

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Dick Cheney, George W. Bush’s former handler, has updated his 1% Doctrine and announced a Global War on Trump (GWOT). “In our nation’s 248-year history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our republic than Donald Trump,” Cheney said Friday. “If there is even a one percent chance that he could regain the White House, we need to treat it as a certainty—and blow up Midtown Manhattan, while Trump is there, to prevent the unthinkable. That is why I have ordered neoconservative elements of the National Security State to detonate a 500 megaton…

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My Cat Has an Antisemitism Problem

Kevin Barrett

Dear Cathy the Cat Therapist, My cat Snoodles has an antisemitism problem. When I watched Schindler’s List last night Snoodles showed no interest whatsoever. So to test her, I said: “Holocaust!” No response. “Hitler!” “Gas chambers!” “White nationalists!” Nothing. “Hamas!” “Islamic terrorism!” “Roasted babies!” Snoodles just yawned. Is there anything I can do about this embarrassing situation? Sincerely, Eva in Evansville   Dear Eva in Evansville, Clearly Snoodles has not been properly socialized. But it’s never too late to try to remedy the situation. What you need to do is get a large squirt bottle or squirt gun. Every day,…

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All of Her Co-Workers “Died Suddenly”

Kevin Barrett

But it took her four days to notice Dissociated Press When Laticia Cuggles clocked into work late Monday morning, the Wells Fargo office in Widowsburg, Wyoming seemed quieter than usual. Cuggles assumed that co-workers slumped in their swivel chairs or apparently napping, heads on their desks, were just recovering after a long, eventful weekend. It wasn’t until Thursday that Cuggles noticed the smell, took a closer look at the corpse in the next cubicle, emitted a bloodcurdling scream, and exited her workplace in great haste. Officials subsequently determined that all 37 of her co-workers had more-or-less simultaneously expired of unknown…

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I Had a Dream About This Election

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press As I woke up this morning I vaguely remembered having some kind of dream about the US presidential election. As I lay there half-awake half-asleep trying to reconstitute it, this is what came to me: The doorbell rang. The good news is that it wasn’t the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The bad news is that a pollster of indeterminate age, gender, and political affiliation, wearing a bright yellow Gallup for Precedent T-shirt with an Ipod tablet clipped to a clipboard, stood there looking bright and cheery. “Would it be all right if I asked you a question about the election?”…

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Radical Muslims Target Taylor Swift Concerts “Out of Pity for the West”

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press A radical Muslim terror group has claimed responsibility for a series of planned attacks on Taylor Swift concerts. The notorious jihadist organization Islamic-American Muslims For All Kinds of Explosions (IAMFAKE) issued a statement yesterday explaining the motivation behind its odd campaign against a pop culture icon. “We used to spend our days and nights hatching devious and dastardly plots to just sit back and enjoy the collapse of the United States,” explained IAMFAKE leader Waleed “Wally” Waldharam. “As my predecessor and mentor in allegedly Islamic terror, HeyMan al-Zawuggery, once put it: “We vow that we will not cease…

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Democrats Rebrand as “Party of Freedom (From)”

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press At the Democratic Convention in Chicago this morning, the party’s Freedom Caucus unveiled a bold new initiative rebranding the Democrats—formerly viewed as the commissars of the hectoring nanny state and the murderous torturing genocidal spooks of the authoritarian national security state—as “The Party of Freedom.” Freedom Caucus chairperson Libertas Libertas, an individual who freed themselves from their real name in 2010, and from the tyranny of gender (through surgery and chemicals) in 2019, says they underwent an even riskier philosophy-change operation at the Mayo Clinic last month—and convinced the Democrats to do likewise. Libertas explained that the Democrats’…

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