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Trump hires Russian whores to piss on McCain’s grave — report

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press According to a new Trump–Russia dossier, President Trump has already hired a team of Russian prostitutes to urinate on the freshly-dug grave of Senator John McCain. The new “Schpiel Dossier,” compiled during the past 24 hours by a high-level MI-6 source, includes decrypted transcripts of Trump’s latest conversations with Russian mob boss Semion Mogilevich. According to the report, Trump installed a special quantum-encrypted hotline to Mogilevich in the White House shortly after taking office. Unfortunately for Trump, Schpiel and his team, code named “Schroedinger’s Cat,” broke the code and have been listening in on Trump’s ultra-sensitive conversations with the…

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Subjexuals Rights Movement Recognized at University of Minnesota

Kevin Barrett

“Use the FIRST PERSON pronoun when referring to us, or else!” Dissociated Press The University of Minnesota has become the first American campus to recognize the rights of subjexuals, a class of oppressed persons who identify as first person pronouns. The decision modifies the previous policy, under which students were only allowed to choose from a list of third person pronouns on the campus website: He/him/his, none, prefer not to specify, she/her/hers, they/them/theirs, or ze/zir/zirs. They could also specify their gender identity as one of the following: Agender, gender nonconforming, genderqueer, man, nonbinary, prefer not to specify, two spirit, woman,…

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ISIS threatens Alex Jones: “Grow that beard longer or WE WILL BEHEAD YOU!”

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Is ISIS plotting an attack on Alex Jones? In a new video released by Rita Kuntz of SHITE Intelligence Group, a vicious-looking villain with a big black bushy shariah-compliant beard brandishes a glittering scimitar and inveighs against the popular talk show host’s “pathetic scruffy little attempt to produce facial hair.” “While we appreciate Alex’s decision to convert to Islam, signified by his effort to put some manly hair on that pudgy little baby face, the fact is that to be fully shariah compliant, beards need to be at least 16 centimeters in length,” scowling ISIS spokesvillain Abdul Ibn…

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Trump issues permanent pre-emptive self pardon

Kevin Barrett

(Dissociated Press) In a long-anticipated move, Donald Trump announced today that he has permanently and pre-emptively pardoned himself for all crimes he has committed, is in the process of committing, is currently planning, or may commit in the future. Speaking at an impromptu press conference at Russian Mafiya headquarters on the top floor of Trump Tower, Trump added that he is extending the pardon to excuse himself not only for felonies, misdemeanors, traffic citations, and parking tickets, but also sexual indiscretions, mistakes, blunders, catastrophes, nuclear holocausts, and anything else that he might conceivably do wrong. He added that the pardon…

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Trump Renegotiates Iran Deal!

Kevin Barrett

The signatories to the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA), better known as the Iran nuclear deal, announced yesterday that they have found a way to “fix” the deal to make it acceptable to US president Donald Trump. Iranian Foreign Minister Zarif explained: “After lengthy Twitter discussions with the White House, we learned that Trump had only one real objection to the deal: Obama got credit for it, not him. So we decided to keep the deal intact, including the acronym, but change the name to honor Trump. From now on, instead of Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action, JCPOA will…

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Spielberg urges mandatory holocaust education theme parks

Kevin Barrett

Expanding his recent call for mandatory holocaust education, Edward Bernays Award-winning filmmaker Steven Spielberg yesterday demanded that the US government build thousands of Holocaust World theme parks. “They would basically be like Jurassic Park, taking you back in time and terrifying the living daylights out of you,” Spielberg explained. He added that instead of killer dinosaurs, the parks would feature AI-driven Nazi androids who would round up visitors, strip them of their clothing, and herd them into ultra-realistic gas chambers. Spielberg cited polls showing that a substantial number of Americans do not know or care about the holocaust, while a…

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Introducing…the DUMBPHONE

Kevin Barrett

“What it is, see, is…well, it looks just like a Smartphone, except it’s really, REALLY dumb.” By Kevin Barrett, VT Editor Here at VT we’re always trying to figure out how to make a quick buck… …without selling our souls to the avaricious avatars of ultimate evil. Easier said than done. Some of us have set up little side-businesses. Gordon Duff sells hand-crafted high-grade military weapons. Jim Fetzer invests in 9/11 truth conferences(but hasn’t quite hit the jackpot yet). Jim Dean can get you wholesale discounts on confederate flags. Preston James peddles shards of mystery-metal from the Roswell crash out of the…

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