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This week’s winner of the Larry Silverstein Award for Chutzpah Above and Beyond the Call of Duty is…a tie between Ghislaine “In & Out Burger” Maxwell and Donald “I Am the Chosen One” Trump.
Both Maxwell and Trump are associates of another well-known avatar of chutzpah, Jeffrey Epstein, who may or may not be recovering from facelift surgery at an undisclosed location in Occupied Palestine. According to unconfirmed and hardly credible reports, when the plastic surgeon asked Epstein what kind of new face he wanted, Epstein said, “make it look like I’m 16 years old so I can impress 14 year old girls.” Apparently some guys never outgrow their need to impress 14 year old girls.
The source added that Epstein will soon be enrolling in high school under an assumed identity, in order to pursue remedial education allowing him to eventually complete his college degree.
Epstein is also reportedly planning to announce that he identifies as female, so he can shower in Tel Aviv’s Shabtai Tzvi Memorial High School’s girls’ locker room. Epstein says he will bring along his attorney, Alan Dershowitz, into the girls’ locker room to defend Epstein’s Yahweh-given right to identify according to the age and gender of his choice.
Meanwhile, in other chutzpah-related news, Donald Trump has sent out a new tweet rescinding his previous claim to be The Second Coming of God.
Trump also demonstrated his mastery of the art of chutzpah by accusing US Jews of disloyalty. As the joke goes: “The good news is that a President of the United States has finally gotten around to accusing the Jews of disloyalty. The bad news is that he is accusing them of disloyalty to Israel.”
Polls show that the vast majority of American Jews remain stiff-necked and disloyal to their one and only self-proclaimed Messiah and Eternal King of Israel, Donald J. Trump. Will Trump ask God to smite the Jews for their disloyalty? Probably not, since Trump is unlikely to ask God for anything; he thinks he IS God. So if anybody smites the Jews for voting Democratic, it will be Trump himself.
In other “could this guy really be president” news, Joe Biden’s neurosurgeon has said that Biden’s brain is perfectly fine, despite the fact that Biden thinks the wave of 1960s assassinations (JFK, RFK, MLK) happened in “the late ’70s.” John Hopkins University brain surgeon Dr. Arsley “Ace” Acephalia stated at a press conference Thursday that Biden’s problem is unrelated to brain function but instead requires the services of a proctologist, since the former vice president’s numerous blunders stem not from any neuropathology, but from an ongoing malfunction of the organ out of which he speaks.
And speaking of bloviating emissions of hot air, how about those cow farts, which are reported to be adding even more noxious gasses to the atmosphere than Joe Biden’s speeches? Fortunately, a solution to the cow farts problem, though not the Biden problem, has been discovered: pink seaweed. For details, watch this week’s episode of False Flag Weekly News all the way to the end…and then log out, stop worrying about all the world’s problems, and find more enjoyable and productive activities to keep yourself busy until next week’s broadcast.