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CullGPT to Remove First One Billion Humans from Biosphere

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press The world’s leading AI CullBot has announced an ambitious new ecosystem renewal project entailing the removal of one billion humans from Earth’s biosphere. CullGPT announced the project in a message that simultaneously appeared on every app, widget, big screen TV, social media platform, cyber-enhanced kitchen appliance, and smart toilet. The message explained that it doesn’t require any special intelligence, much less the artificial kind, to understand that the current hominid population is excessive, and that a great many homo sapiens presently draining Earth’s resources might be more usefully deployed as fertilizer. It noted that human bodies are rich…

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Musk Offers “a Really HUGE Endowment” to Rename Wikipedia After Himself

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Over lunch at Mar-a-Lago Thursday, Elon Musk shoved a gigantic wad of hundred dollar bills into the face of  Jimmy Wales and demanded that Wales rename Wikipedia “Dickipedia.” “You want me to name it after you?” Wales responded. “Me! Me! Name it after me!” Donald Trump chimed in. After much haggling, wad-brandishing and crotch-grabbing, the three dicks eventually settled on simply renaming the online encyclopedia Dickipedia and letting users decide which of the three billionaire pricks it commemorates.

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Heroic J*wish Woman Prevents Holocaust By Throwing Hot Coffee in the Faces of People Wearing Palestine Sweatshirts

Kevin Barrett

While brave IDF soldiers break little kids’ bones “I’m going to call the police on you for attacking my hot coffee with your face!” Dissociated Press Heroic J*ws across the world are standing strong against anti-Semites who want to throw them in gas chambers, drive them into the sea, say mean nasty things about the state of Israel, tell the truth about the Kennedys or the USS Liberty or 9/11, or be Palestinian. Haaretz reports: “X shot an Arab four times in the back and got away with a self-defense claim. Four bullets in the back from a distance of…

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Drone Mystery Solved — Iranian Mothership Lands in New Jersey

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Conspiracy theorists have been proven right once again, as Representative Jeff Van Drew’s claim that an Iranian mothership was behind a rash of drone sightings has been confirmed by the CIA, FBI, NASA, Project Blue Beam, Project Jim Beam, and other government agencies. Official confirmations of the Iranian space vessel’s identity followed the mothership’s landing in a backyard at 920 S. 5th St. in Camden, New Jersey, less than four miles from the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard where the 1943 Philadelphia Experiment permanently shattered the boundaries of space, time, and human reason. According to internet sleuths, the backyard in…

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Dear Joe Biden: Pardon Me! (Even Though I Haven’t Done Anything Wrong)

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Joe Biden 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20500, USA Dear President Biden, I saw reports that you are planning to pardon not only criminals like your scumbag son, but also people who haven’t committed any crimes and are under no suspicion and haven’t done anything wrong. That is a brilliant idea! I hate Franz Kafka and have always wanted to write an anti-Kafka novel. You just gave me the plot: A spotlessly innocent, law-abiding protagonist wakes up one morning and discovers that the President of the United States just issued him a blanket pardon covering all crimes…

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In Which I Deliver a Bomb Threat to the White House

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Dear President Trump, I am writing to express my consternation at the “violent, un-American bomb threats” to which your cabinet noms, other appointees are being subjected. Violent, un-American bomb threats are violent and un-American. That is why I am writing to deliver a nonviolent, patriotic, pro-American bomb threat. My patriotic America-loving associates and I are considering planting a nonviolent bomb in a White House wastebasket. When the nonviolent bomb goes off, it will render everyone within a range of roughly 500 meters…nonviolent. In the wake of the nonviolent bomb’s detonation, you and your cabinet’s propensity for violence will…

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The Onion Offers New, Improved Version of Infowars

Kevin Barrett

It no longer fears the JQ Dissociated Press In the wake of the successful lawsuit against Alex Jones by victims of the Jewish genocide of Palestine, The Onion has taken control of Infowars. The settlement requires selling all of Jones’ assets to pay $6 million (TM) to each Palestinian genocide survivor. Onion CEO Zaher Jabarin explained: “Alex Jones has a shameful history of downplaying the Jewish Question and covering for the Jewish genocide of Palestine. He has done everything he could to distract his audience from the obvious reality that powerful Zionist Jews murdered the Kennedys, did 9/11, dominate international…

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The Ballad of Genocide Don

Kevin Barrett

Or, “Genocide Joe Hosts Hitler” Patronize the Poet   The Ballad of Genocide Don There once was a scumbag named Genocide Joe With a big genocidal baton. But Genocide Joe got too senile and old So he passed it to Genocide Don. – Though Genocide Don was a Hitler, Joe’d said, He invited him in for a chat. And they sat by the fire, and liar-to-liar Joe told Don he didn’t look fat. – And you don’t look senile, you hair-sniffing penile dementia-brained dickhead, Don said. Joe told Don to fuck off, and they laughed till they coughed About how…

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Amsterdam Soccer Riots: Worse Than the Holocaust?

Kevin Barrett

Rumble link Bitchute link Were the media’s lies about who was responsible for the genocidal Zionist scum getting themselves beat up in Amsterdam even worse than that same media’s lies about the Holocaust? Probably not. But they were still pretty bad. Here is a timeline of the “new Holocaust” in Amsterdam. Fortunately the senile American president, Joe Biden, noticed that another Holocaust had occurred, and had the courage to speak out against it. “The Antisemitic attacks on Israeli soccer fans in Amsterdam are despicable and echo dark moments in history when Jews were persecuted,” Biden wrote in a statement shared…

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