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The Onion Offers New, Improved Version of Infowars

Kevin Barrett

It no longer fears the JQ Dissociated Press In the wake of the successful lawsuit against Alex Jones by victims of the Jewish genocide of Palestine, The Onion has taken control of Infowars. The settlement requires selling all of Jones’ assets to pay $6 million (TM) to each Palestinian genocide survivor. Onion CEO Zaher Jabarin explained: “Alex Jones has a shameful history of downplaying the Jewish Question and covering for the Jewish genocide of Palestine. He has done everything he could to distract his audience from the obvious reality that powerful Zionist Jews murdered the Kennedys, did 9/11, dominate international…

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The Ballad of Genocide Don

Kevin Barrett

Or, “Genocide Joe Hosts Hitler” Patronize the Poet   The Ballad of Genocide Don There once was a scumbag named Genocide Joe With a big genocidal baton. But Genocide Joe got too senile and old So he passed it to Genocide Don. – Though Genocide Don was a Hitler, Joe’d said, He invited him in for a chat. And they sat by the fire, and liar-to-liar Joe told Don he didn’t look fat. – And you don’t look senile, you hair-sniffing penile dementia-brained dickhead, Don said. Joe told Don to fuck off, and they laughed till they coughed About how…

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Amsterdam Soccer Riots: Worse Than the Holocaust?

Kevin Barrett

Rumble link Bitchute link Were the media’s lies about who was responsible for the genocidal Zionist scum getting themselves beat up in Amsterdam even worse than that same media’s lies about the Holocaust? Probably not. But they were still pretty bad. Here is a timeline of the “new Holocaust” in Amsterdam. Fortunately the senile American president, Joe Biden, noticed that another Holocaust had occurred, and had the courage to speak out against it. “The Antisemitic attacks on Israeli soccer fans in Amsterdam are despicable and echo dark moments in history when Jews were persecuted,” Biden wrote in a statement shared…

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Crazy Bibi’s Masada 2.0 Furniture Sale Now Underway

Kevin Barrett

He’s BAAAA-AAACK! In the furniture business, that is. So step right up! It’s Crazy Bibi’s Masada 2.0 Discount Furniture Leaving-the-Country Sale! My prices are INSANE! 7 million Jews are leaving Palestine! If I don’t steal their left-behind furniture and sell it, somebody else gonna steal and sell it! I must be CRAZY to be selling this stuff so cheap! At these prices, it’s a steal! IF YOU DON’T STEAL IT, SOMEBODY ELSE GONNA STEAL IT! So come on down to Crazy Bibi’s Discount Furniture Warehouse Sale, 35 Azza Street, Jerusalem, Palestine Hurry! Hurry! The sale ends when Hezbollah’s next rocket…

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But Is It Good For the Jews? (FFWN Special Report With Uncle Moishe)

Kevin Barrett

Oct. 5 show Fundrazr link     Oct. 17 show Fundrazr link The bad news is that we failed to meet our $200 goal last week. The good news is that False Flag Weekly News, like every serious business, has a Jewish financial advisor. That would be Uncle Moishe. It’s great to have a Jewish uncle. Every goy should have one. When your business is in trouble, you just turn to Uncle Moishe for advice. (Jewish personal trainers are great too.) I told Uncle Moishe that False Flag Weekly News didn’t reach its $200 goal last week. I explained that we’ve…

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Congress Updates 2005 Real ID Act for Woke Era

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Congress voted this morning to amend the 2005 Real ID Act, which requires all Americans to to carry real identification cards by May 2025. Under the amended law, the Fake ID Act, those real identification cards will need to be replaced by fake ID cards by January 2026. Under the Fake ID Act, all identification cards must be replaced by “Identify As” cards featuring false names and genders. “Unfortunately, too many Americans are still ‘deadnaming’ on their identification cards,” explained Samantha “McLovin” Brinton, the former Nuclear Regulatory Agency chief who now heads the United States Identification Agency. “When…

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Dangerously Low Antisemitism Levels Threaten Life on Earth -Report

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Karolinska University’s Atmospheric Antisemitism Society of Stockholm (AASS) has issued an alarming report highlighting the gravity of the threat posed by declining levels of atmospheric antisemitism. According to the report, atmospheric antisemitism has declined from its post-Enlightenment average of 280 antisemites per million (APM) to a new low, as of June 2024, of only 220 antisemites per million. AASS chairperson Adolf Thunberg, who changed his name, gender, and issue after discovering that declining antisemitism levels were vastly more dangerous than rising CO2 levels, explained: “The crucial role of atmospheric antisemitism in regulating Earth’s social climate and ecosystems is…

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Dick Cheney Unveils New 1% Doctrine, Plots “Global War on Trump”

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Dick Cheney, George W. Bush’s former handler, has updated his 1% Doctrine and announced a Global War on Trump (GWOT). “In our nation’s 248-year history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our republic than Donald Trump,” Cheney said Friday. “If there is even a one percent chance that he could regain the White House, we need to treat it as a certainty—and blow up Midtown Manhattan, while Trump is there, to prevent the unthinkable. That is why I have ordered neoconservative elements of the National Security State to detonate a 500 megaton…

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My Cat Has an Antisemitism Problem

Kevin Barrett

Dear Cathy the Cat Therapist, My cat Snoodles has an antisemitism problem. When I watched Schindler’s List last night Snoodles showed no interest whatsoever. So to test her, I said: “Holocaust!” No response. “Hitler!” “Gas chambers!” “White nationalists!” Nothing. “Hamas!” “Islamic terrorism!” “Roasted babies!” Snoodles just yawned. Is there anything I can do about this embarrassing situation? Sincerely, Eva in Evansville   Dear Eva in Evansville, Clearly Snoodles has not been properly socialized. But it’s never too late to try to remedy the situation. What you need to do is get a large squirt bottle or squirt gun. Every day,…

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