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Kushner Nominated for Peace Prize—Nobel’s Corpse Detonates Posthumous Suicide Bomb

Dissociated Press Residents of Norra Begravningsplatsen, Solna, Sweden were awakened this morning to a tremendous explosion. Many assumed there had been an accident with a gas main, while others feared a terrorist attack. The latter group’s apprehensions proved well-founded. The explosion, which destroyed much of the Norra Begravningsplatsen cemetery, turned out to be the world’s first posthumous suicide bombing: Alfred Nobel’s corpse had protested Jared Kushner’s nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize by rolling over in its grave and blowing itself to bits. Titti Skitqvisst, president of the Nobel Endowment and great-grand-niece of the celebrated inventor, explained: “When my ancestors buried Alfred…