A Texas court has ordered conspiracy theorist Alex Jones to pay six million trillion dollars in damages to Holocaust survivors whose feelings were hurt by Jones’ interview with Holocaust denier David Duke.
At a press conference in Austin, Jonathan Greenbutt of the Anti-Defecation League celebrated the verdict: “We believe this unprecedented ruling will send the strongest possible message: If you are going to invite David Duke to debate you on your radio show, you darn well better win the debate!”
Holocaust survivors have widely criticized Jones for his pathetically weak showing in the debate with Duke. Some have even gone so far as to charge Jones, a suspected closet anti-Semite, with deliberately throwing the debate.
On behalf of the ADL, which will receive the biggest cut of Jones’ money, Greenbutt said he thought the six million trillion dollar figure was appropriate: “One trillion dollars for each of the sacred six million victims sounds about right. Anything less would have been a slap in the face of each of the six million suffering martyrs who were gassed, buried in swamps, dug up, dried out, burned, and vaporized.”
Jones railed against the award on his radio show, claiming that it was excessive: “A million trillion here, a million trillion there, pretty soon you’re talking real money!”
Though Jones has filed for bankruptcy, victims’ attorneys believe the rich and famous conspiracy theorist has somehow squirreled away the millions of trillions he has earned selling male potency enhancement supplements. Between Jones and Kanye West, Greenbutt said, the ADL will soon be “set for life.”