“It was our base? Oops!”
Obeying an order issued by Commander-in-Chief Donald J. Trump, the United States Air Force has used a nuclear weapon to destroy Honduras’ biggest military installation.
At 7:31:06 this morning, Base Aerea Soto Cano in Comayagua, Honduras was instantly incinerated by a B83 thermonuclear weapon set to its maximum yield of 1.2 megatons dropped by a USAF B1A Lancer as ordered by President Trump in his first official act of the day.
Trump then called a press conference and explained: “A short time ago, an American aeroplane dropped one bomb on Comayagua and destroyed its usefulness to the enemy. That bomb has more power than one million tons of TNT.
“The Hondurans began this war with their attempt to invade our country. They have been repaid many fold and the end is not yet.”
Trump added that he has placed all US nuclear forces on hair-trigger alert and is prepared to use more nuclear weapons at the border if Honduran invaders throw rocks: “Anybody throwing rocks at our border will be considered to be using a nuclear weapon, and we will respond with much, much bigger nuclear weapons,” Trump explained, adding: “Our nuclear weapons are much, much, much bigger and harder than anybody’s, and ours don’t need all that much viagra to work.”
Trump said the nuclear bomb craters along the border would be filled with radioactive water and mutant crocodiles and used as a moat, alongside his planned Wall, to discourage illegal immigration.
Asked which Air Force Base supplied the BIA Lancer used to destroy Base Aerea Soto Cano, Trump deferred to National Security Advisor John Bolton. Bolton, after googling on his smart phone, explained that the nuclear armed bomber had been stationed at Base Aerea Soto Cano in Comayagua, Honduras.
Informed by reporters that he had just blown up an American military base, Trump blamed the media for the mistake, calling reporters “enemies of the people” before hastily exiting the press conference.
The newly-vaporized US Commander at Soto Cano, US Army Col. Winifred “Ashes” Ashton, could not be reached for comment .