“Those Ukraine girls really knock me out” : Four good reasons to intervene
Warning: The article below is satirical, flippant, and in questionable taste. If you want a serious “Top Ten” article about the Ukraine, read:
OK, now that the obligatory disclaimer is out of the way…
Top 10 reasons why US should keep intervening in Ukraine
There are many reasons why the US should keep intervening in Ukraine. Here are the top ten.
10. We lost Crimea, so why not lose the whole country?
9. For only $5 billion we made a real mess. Imagine the mess we could make for $10 billion!
8. Hearing Victoria Nuland say “F- the EU” alone was worth the $5 billion. More entertainment, please!
7. If we don’t intervene, those knockout Ukraine girls will “leave the West behind” – and we don’t want our behinds left, do we?
6. Ukraine is Europe’s leading producer of two critically-important natural resources: debt and poverty.
5. The two sides of Ukraine hate each others’ guts, so why don’t we go over there and stand between them and let them both shoot at us?
4. The coup we supported was financed by Zionist Jewish oligarchs and led by Nazis, which presents an outstanding opportunity to continue to promote Zio-Nazi cooperation – bringing two old enemies together to make a fresh start hating somebody else…such as Arabs, Russians, Persians, and Muslims.
3. Fight unemployment, put Operation Gladio snipers back to work!
2. After our brilliant successes in Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, what could possibly go wrong?
1. Intervening in Ukraine could solve a wide array of problems – debt, recession, racism, gridlock, poverty, drug abuse, unemployment, illegal immigration, partisanship, political corruption – by triggering World War III and eliminating the root cause of all of these issues: namely, human life.