You are here

Walid Shoebat’s Evil Twin: We Jews Want to EAT You!

“Call Me Wiggy”: The Amazing Story of Walid Shoebat‘s Evil Twin, As Told By Himself

Hello. My name is Wigfried Shoebatstein. But please call me Wiggy.

My great-grandfather was Jacob Shoebatstein, a close associate of the genocidal Zionist Theodore Herzl. Jacob and Theodore spent many hours plotting the murder and expulsion of the Palestinian people.

My father was Rueben Schoebatstein, a friend of Jewish terrorist Ariel Sharon. Rueben bayonetted dozens of Christian and Muslim babies in the 1948 massacre in Deir Yassin.

I grew up in the part of Palestine that is occupied by Jewish terrorists. From my earliest childhood, I was taught to hate non-Jews, especially Christians and Muslims. I remember lapping up the blood of Christian babies at my fourth birthday party.

Growing up as a secret Jewish terrorist, I murdered at least two or three hundred Christians and Muslims with my bare hands, by carving a hole in their bellies with my thumbnail and ripping their gizzards out and sucking them down my throat like strands of spaghetti. I also remember kidnapping Christian kids and circumcising them with an electric can opener.

As a teenager I was selected for membership in the elite Jewish terrorist group the Elders of Zion. (Actually, to be perfectly honest, it was the youth affiliate, the Youngers of Zion.) I had to memorize their founding document, the Protocols, in Hebrew, English, and Esperanto. I learned that when God promised the Jewish people that their descendants alone would populate the earth, He meant that we would have to kill off all the non-Jews. We would start by fomenting a war between Christians and Muslims, causing the two groups to mostly destroy each other. When the time came, we would finish off the goyim cattle with biological weapons designed to kill anyone without Jewish genes. After that we would grind up their rotting carcasses to make matzo ball soup.

Then one day I suddenly awoke and saw the light and embraced Jesus as my only lord and savior. I vomited up all the Christian entrails I had ingested during my years as a Jewish terrorist. I came to America to tell the American people the truth about the Jewish terrorist plot to suck up Christian gizzards, foment a war between Christianity and Islam, guzzle the blood of Christian babies (the main ingredient in MD20-20, which is what radical Jews use in their drunken kosher ceremonies), and ultimately take over the world and celebrate with a cannibal matzo ball feast.

When I got to America, I discovered that my long-lost identical twin brother “Walid Shoebat” (real name Waldo Shoebatstein–we were separated at birth) was already here — and he was rich and famous! Waldo was all over Fox, MSNBC, and the other mainstream media outlets run by Zionists and/or military contractors, which means all of them. He was claiming to be a former PLO terrorist spilling the beans on the evil Muslims’ plot to kill Jews and Christians and take over the world. Yeah, right!

I noticed that Waldo was making massive moolah selling books and doing speaking engagements at churches. Even though he had been exposed by Chris Hedges and others as a complete phony, the churches were still paying him a king’s ransom to make up stories about how evil the Muslims are. So I figured, hey, since I’m his identical twin, why shouldn’t the churches pay ME big money to make up stories about how evil the Jews are? After all, fair is fair! If it’s okay to bad-mouth Muslims, it’s okay to bad-mouth Jews. Right?

So I am writing to tell you that I am currently available for comedy engagements in your church. Please start passing the collection plate now. But hurry — once the Jews take over the world, you won’t be able to book me any more, since what’s left of you will be floating mournfully in a bowl of kosher soup.

Your alleged brother in Christ,

Wigfried Shoebatstein

Author, God’s War on Jewish Terror: The Divine Plan to Stop Them from Drinking Your Child’s Blood
Front Man, The Wigfried Shoebatstein Foundation

PS Actually it’s Walid who is the evil twin! I’m the good one! He’s the one who started this racket! I’m just following in his footsteps! And besides, nobody believes me, but a lot of morons really DO believe him!

7 Thoughts to “Walid Shoebat’s Evil Twin: We Jews Want to EAT You!”

  1. Hi Kevin,
    Evidently there are people in the 9/11 truth movement who are unfamiliar with the literary traditions of parody and satire. In other words, they think this blog entry is for real. You might consider a disclaimer at the top… or not.

  2. Snug.bug, my remark wasn't directed at you — I saw the column discussed at another site by someone who clearly takes it at face value (and probably has no idea who Walid Shoebat is).

  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  4. Swift's "A Modest Proposal," which suggested solving the hunger and population problems at one gulp by eating Irish babies roasted, broiled, stewed, or fried, was taken seriously by many readers. My satire on Shoebat, admittedly less brilliant but even more over the top, is unlikely to fool very many people for very long. (Now if I were to suggest forcing the Israeli soldiers who hunt and kill Palestinian children for sport to eat everything they kill, I suppose some of the soldiers would take me seriously and take me up on it…)

    Anyway, for those who missed it, the point of this satire is that Shoebat is all over the media with his ludicrous blood libels against Islam and Muslims…so let's imagine what would happen if someone spread similarly ludicrous blood libels against Jews. The word "double-standard" doesn't begin to describe the difference between what people can get away with saying about Muslims, as opposed to about Jews, in this Kosher Nostra dominated country.

  5. Anonymous

    Good Satire Kevin. In case anyone takes seriously the sentence “we would finish off the goyim cattle with biological weapons designed to kill anyone without Jewish genes.” they need to read the book by Professor Shlomo Sand of Tel Aviv University. He makes the best and most convincing historical case thus far for the hidden fact that the fake "Jews" of "Israel" have more in common with the Kagans of Khazaria than Abraham the patriarch. Even the Sephardim have DNA indistinguishable from the Arabs and Palestinians.

  6. Good point. As I said to Douglas Rushkoff the other day, European Jews are quintessential Europeans — yet they were persecuted for supposedly being "Semitic." And yes, I have read Schlomo Sand's book, which shows that Judaism is a religion like the others that spread through conversion like the others — there is no "Jewish people" in any biological sense. The European settler colonialists who stole Palestine are just as European as the ones who stole French Algeria or British Rhodesia.

  7. Anonymous

    with enemies like you, who needs friends

Leave a Comment