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Israel Sweeps Anal Rape Competition at Paris Olympics

Dissociated Press Peretz Putzenschlubb defended his title in the men’s ten meter forcible sodomy competition, giving his team an unprecedented sweep in the anal rape medals at the Paris Olympics. Putzenschlubb, a mainstay of the Sde Teiman Prison Rape Squad, defeated his teammates Schlemiel Shtuppenberg and Schlemozzel Shtuppenshtein by pursuing and raping a designated victim after a 6.1 meter chase, completing the forcible violation in a world-record-setting 15.7 seconds. Putzenschlubb won points on technique as well as distance and time. “He’s so smooth he doesn’t even need lube,” noted Itamar Ben-Gvir, the Israeli minister and forcible sodomy specialist who served…

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BREAKING! Netanyahu Claims Iranian Missiles Raped Women and Beheaded Babies

Dissociated Press Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has accused Iran of “weaponizing sexual violence” by using  enormous, tumescent phallic-shaped missiles to “engage in the widespread and systematic rape of Israeli women.” Netanyahu claimed, without presenting evidence, that the missiles were programmed with sophisticated software enabling them to perform mass rapes with unprecedented efficiency and brutality. “The Iranian missile force has used widespread and systematic rape as a weapon of war. We will respond by exterminating the seed of Amalek!” the Prime Minister shouted. The visibly unhinged Israeli leader also accused Iran of using its missiles to “behead 40 babies” and…

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Hamas Killed Six Million Jews in Gas Chambers on October 7th, BBC Hears

BBC by way of Dissociated Press The BBC has seen and heard evidence of the murder of six million Jews in gas chambers during the 7 October Hamas attacks. WARNING: CONTAINS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF GAS CHAMBERS AND RELATED ATROCITIES Several people involved in collecting and identifying the bodies of the six million Jews killed in the attack told us they had seen multiple signs of death by Zyklon B, including blue or pink skin, Auschwitz tattoos, and scribbled notes saying “is this a shower room?” Video testimony of an eyewitness at the Nova music festival, shown to journalists by Israeli…

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