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Pentagon Reveals Chinese Spy Balloon Was “Weaponized Hyperinflated Condom”

Dissociated Press A Pentagon spokesperson reported Wednesday that the Chinese spy balloon shot down off South Carolina last week was a “Weaponized Hyperinflated Condom” (WHC) that posed a serious threat to America’s national virility. According to the report, the Chinese have developed a new polymer-layering nanotechnology that can be sprayed on the outside of an ordinary condom, giving it incredible strength and allowing it to be inflated to enormous sizes. “By tumescing it with helium and sending it into American airspace, the Chinese demonstrated their ability to put a gargantuan phallus right there over our heads. It’s a gigantic ‘fuck-you’…