Dear President Trump,
I am writing to express my consternation at the “violent, un-American bomb threats” to which your cabinet noms, other appointees are being subjected.
Violent, un-American bomb threats are violent and un-American. That is why I am writing to deliver a nonviolent, patriotic, pro-American bomb threat.
My patriotic America-loving associates and I are considering planting a nonviolent bomb in a White House wastebasket. When the nonviolent bomb goes off, it will render everyone within a range of roughly 500 meters…nonviolent. In the wake of the nonviolent bomb’s detonation, you and your cabinet’s propensity for violence will be utterly annihilated. No longer will anyone in the White House have the slightest interest in massacring civilians in Gaza and the Donbass. Instead, they will all become patriotic Americans dedicated to ending the empire and restoring the republic.
We also plan to detonate nonviolent patriotism bombs in the Pentagon and CIA headquarters.
You can’t stop us! We have the nonviolent patriotism bombs!
Sincerely
Dr. Kevin Barrett
