You are here

US Congress Moves to Israel in Deficit-Reduction Effort

US Congress Moves to Israel in Deficit-Reduction Effort

August 12 2011
Disassociated Press

In the wake of the announcement that 81 US Congressmen are leaving on an AIPAC-sponsored junket to Israel, the new SuperCongress announced today that the entire legislative branch of the US government will be moved to Tel Aviv. The reason, according to informed sources, is to save on travel junket expenses to reduce the national deficit.

Relocating Congress to Israel is expected to significantly lower the cost of AIPAC-sponsored junkets: Airfare costs will be eliminated, hotel costs reduced, and “preferred customer” cocaine and prostitution discounts taken advantage of. The move should bring a noticeable reduction in the hemorrhage of US taxpayer dollars to the Zionist state.

The purpose of the move, according to informed sources, is to lower the deficit, not throw another bone to AIPAC. “Who do you think is paying for these travel junkets to Israel? That’s right, the US taxpayer!” said a SuperCongress spokesperson on conditions of anonymity. “The Israelis force Congress to cough up billions of US taxpayer dollars in aid to Israel. Then Israel recycles those dollars by buying even more congressmen. It’s a vicious circle. We can’t stop it, so we might as well make the best of it, and just move the hell over there and be done with it.”

According to the Christian Science Monitor, Israel cost the US taxpayer about 1.6 trillion dollars between 1973 and 2002 — putting the total today at around 2 trillion dollars. Informed sources speculate that as the news spreads that Israel and its US assets orchestrated the 9/11 attacks, American taxpayers may eventually demand their money back.

20 Thoughts to “US Congress Moves to Israel in Deficit-Reduction Effort”

  1. Excellent work Disassociated Press.

  2. Anonymous

    Good idea – move Congress closer to their constituents!

  3. Anonymous

    Thanks, Kevin, for the black humor. Humor is good.


  4. Anonymous

    Good Riddance!!!

  5. Larry White

    Kevin-You continue to surprise me with your Swiftian wit! Ha Ha!
    Larry White
    Antelope, CA

  6. Anonymous

    I can't bear it. – DS

  7. Anonymous

    do we know who is going? My advice is that they stay there. we all would be better off.

  8. Anonymous

    Dear Kevin, I LOVE IT!!! I'm republishing this on my blog!!! -Susan Lindauer

  9. Anonymous

    Kevin, thanks of course, AIPAC takes care of them, they take care of Israel and we the idiot voters vote these people in office. It is our mistake and fault. We should target at least 13 of members of Congress for defeat every election cycle. We are more powerful that the Tea Party, we just need to be organized better than AIPAC and Tea Party.
    Thanks and all

  10. Anonymous

    Hiya Kevin,
    seems like it would be even easier if they just adopted Israel as a new state in the union,
    or changed our name to the United States of Israel and stop all this bogus nomenclature and phony allegiances.

  11. Anonymous

    if they could move over there for ever … that would make it for the people

  12. Ha ha! Brilliant parody, Kevin, and spot on!

  13. I hope the flight gets sucked into some vortex over Bermuda.

  14. Time to recount the wonderful love story that began with Governor Jim McGreevey's trip to the(un)Holy Land and his meeting the love of his life gay lover who of course was a Mossad agent just like Chandra Levy and Monicca Lewinsky.

    Of course Mcgreevey loved his man so much he made his gay lover mossad agent director of the NJ Homeland (In)Security Department.


  15. Anonymous

    Israeli art students, Mossad and 9/11


    "Evidence linking these Israelis to 9/11 is classified. I cannot tell you about evidence that has been gather. It is classified information."
    — Anonymous U.S. investigator quoted by Carl Cameron of Fox News shortly after 9/11

  16. Anonymous

    this is like a classic episode of THE ONION?


  17. Anonymous

    There was an article on the web some time ago about the objective of 9/11 as "to tie America in blood and mutual suffering to the Israeli cause"
    and it certainly accomplished that…
    google "The Unspeakable Truth of 9/11"…

  18. if they could stay there, that would make my day …

  19. Dear Dr. Barrett,

    While your suggestion of relocating the U.S. Congress is a good idea, it would be a very good idea to relocate the entire state of Israel to the U.S. either to the state of New York or California. These two states already have the highest population of Jews in the U.S. and therefore the new arrivals would easily assimilate themselves. Also, since NY is a financial center and California the center of the porn industry, both of which the Jews excelled at, both these industries would benefit tremendously.

    Here are my reasons ( couldn't come up with 10 so perhaps you could oblige?).

    1. It would solve the Palestinian Problems. Those left behind would be Muslims and Christians and they are Arabs. Being Arabs if they later fight among themselves, it would be as expected.

    2. Anything anti-Zionist, anti-Israel, anti-Israel leaders, anti-Israel/Zionist support which are considered anti-semitic would now include the U.S. on which the U.S. could use to go to war with rather than such flimsy excuses of non-existence WMD, humanitarian protections, and all other craps.

    3. All 'non-existence' Israeli WMD especially the 200+ nukes that Israel doesn't have could be transferred to the U.S. and could be used to protect NY and California. They are however to remain under Jewish control under their Samson Option.

    4. All Israeli military assets which are better than what the U.S. has could now become assets to protect the U.S. Homeland. The existing Director of Homeland Security who is a Jew would be acceptable to the Israelis/U.S. Jews.

    5. The U.S. taxpayers would save millions yearly in military assistance to Israel. There would also be big savings in U.S. counter-intelligence cost against Israeli spies.

    6. The U.S. taxpayers can now fork out 1.5 billion USD each year to NY and California to help pay for Jewish campaign funds.

    7. Lastly and not the least, there would be no need for AIPAC and Abe Foxman could now retire gracefully and focus on studying the Torah and the Talmuds to prepare himself meeting Yahweh.

    So, Dr. Barrett you only have to come up with another three.

    Yours sincerely,

    Bahrain (my name not the country)

  20. Anonymous

    Israel says they don't want to become the 51st state because then they would only have two Senators.

Leave a Comment