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In which I turn myself in for Indefinite Military Detention

Sent to:  Dear DHS, As someone who could be said to “substantially support al-Qaeda, the Taliban, or associated forces,” I am writing to turn myself in under the new NDAA law. Please send a US military brigade, preferably the Marines (semper fi, guys!) to indefinitely detain me. (I’d prefer the Marines because I’m a big fan of Gen. Smedley Butler – and I LOVE Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket. I mean, let’s face it, compared to the other services, the Marines are seriously cool.) I suppose you want me to explain what “substantially support” means. Well, I’m wondering about that…